WARNING: This blog comes when I am in a pissy mood and need to vent a few things. But at the same time it gives you a glimpse into why I have this low self-esteem issue that has been mentioned before.
It seems that I have always been most people's back-up plan, even one of my aunts said it to me in an e-mail one time when I was venting to her, she's sick of me being a back-up plan too. And being one really sucks. I am the person that you date or hang out with after Plan A has fallen apart. Or, for whatever reason, I'm the girl that no one can know that you hang out with, it's a big secret. We can't be seen in town together and we only hang out at night. I must be a real embarrassment, that or all my friends are actually vampires.
These are the type of people that I seem to have been drawn to, and for a reason unbeknown to me I have always accepted it. Well all that is starting to change. I have started deleting people that fit that profile from my life, and although it was super hard when I did it, it feels good now. So good-bye men that want to be friends and keep me hanging on just until they meet someone new, the most recent one telling me of a new love interest and then having the balls to exclaim with delight "And she looks just like you!" Delete. Actually, after a few days of thinking about it, he even became a member of the Facebook "blocked" group not to mention deleted off my cell phone and thank God for caller ID, I was able to not answer calls until he got the hint. Sorry, I just don't need to hear about all your sexual escapades with my apparent twin. Feels good now. Weird some days when we had been such good "friends" but with SOME of the friends I seem to have, who needs enemies.
The other fun group that I seem to have is the ones that seem to be supportive, but actually make little comments that knock you down. This group I usually take any and all of their input with a grain of salt, because they usually can be pretty funny, so I keep them around. But there are sometimes when little comments they make linger and bother me, so these people right now are on very thin ice as I try and get rid off all the negativity that keeps bringing me down.
People that are reading this and feeling guilty, I wouldn't worry too much, because it means I haven't blocked you off Facebook yet, which means I probably haven't clued in that you are treating me like that yet. So here is a plea, either change so you don't fit into the category or make my life easier and delete me, odds are I might not even clue in you have deleted me.
Being a back-up plan is fun for no one in my eyes. So even if you aren't doing it to me, take a minute and think about the relationships that you do have with people and if you are doing it with anyone in your life, for their sake try and stop. Save someone else the upset that hopefully you can now see that it causes.
I know that some readers might be thinking this blog is supposed to be about getting to Everest, and it still it, this is just all part of the healing and changing that I need to do to achieve the goal. Sorry if it was a downer, but hey, you got warned at the beginning. I promise that the next one will be more spunky :)
Being pissy can be highly therapeutic.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely part of getting to Everest!
ReplyDeleteSorry--I need to change my identity. You can tell whose blogs I've been following so far. S
ReplyDeleteI've been the plan B girlfriend more than once!! Actually one guy was so insistent we not go out in public together that I think he may have been married.
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